


Be my heart; be my salvation

by orphan_account



Category: Code:Realize ～創世の姫君～ | Code: Realize - Guardian of Rebirth (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24202336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Having never felt this way before, Victor is new to the world of romance, but one thing he knows for certain is that he wants to court Cardia. It seemed easy in books, but all he seemed to be able to do was make a fool of himself.
Relationships: Cardia Beckford/Victor Frankenstein
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I can't help myself. I just really love this pairing XD
> 
> I tried not to start a multichapter fic. I really did, but uhhhhhhhhh
> 
> Enjoy <3

Courting. 

It wasn’t something Victor had experience with, though the gentleman in him knew the rules of etiquette and how to treat a lady in Victorian England. But given the peculiar circumstances surrounding how they knew one another, proprietary had long since been followed. 

It was a small mercy that none knew the whereabouts of Saint-Germain’s manor or of the occupants living under its roof, for they broke numerous society rules. Not to mention, Cardia’s public image would be tarnished irrefutably. 

While her naivety served against her, Victor saw it as his duty to protect her image as a respectable lady.

He’d already held her hand in public and spent time with her after nightfall. His behaviour was unacceptable, yet she remained his weakness. Something about her drew him in, and it was impossible to resist the temptation of being near her. 

He’d long since cast religion aside in favour of science, but she was his test and he’d failed at his introduction with forbidden fruit.

A dull yearning stirred within him, urging him to take a leap. To reach out and risk rejection, telling him that it was a better than living ever wondering if the sweetest of fruit longed to be plucked by his hand as much as he wished to proclaim it his own. 

In his time as an alchemist, he’d attended a ball or two, though he’d never felt comfortable in such a situation. He knew of the looming need to marry, most people his age seemed to already have, but the company he was graced with at Saint-Germain’s manor had initially assuaged those concerns. 

However, now he was plagued with fears of an opposite nature.

There was no denying Impey harboured affection for Cardia. Anyone could tell thanks to his frequent declarations and the way he teased her. Saint-Germain always seemed to wear a smile for her, and the same could be said for Lupin. Even Van Helsing seemed to have warmed up to her.

All this meant that with each passing day his fear only grew stronger; there was no doubt in his mind that she would inevitably fall in love with one of them. They were, after all, five eligible bachelors who would do anything for her, not to mention treat her with respect and like an equal. Something unheard of in this period.

He cherished the time they spent together, but there was only so much alchemy that he could teach Cardia that would actually be of use to her, and his lessons were nearing a natural culmination. As much as his skills would help her, he couldn’t deny lessons in self-defence and escaping were of far more use in immediate harm than the science behind the flasks he armed her with.

As if on cue amid his plaguing thoughts, he witnessed the most beautiful girl in the courtyard, walking alongside Saint-Germain. Her smile was bright and her hair swayed with every step she took. In her arms were a pile of apples, no doubt plucked from the trees on her return home from Saint-Germain’s lesson.

How he wished she would wear a smile like that for him someday…

~

Victor was in his bedroom tidying his equipment away for the day when he heard a knock on his door. He’d missed dinner, having devoted himself to the more precious matter of safely bottling his latest chemical experimentations. His research budget was slim nowadays, so it was even more imperative that nothing was wasted.

“Come in,” he called, giving the door no further attention as he checked each test tube had been adequately cleaned.

The door creaked behind him and he heard footsteps approach, though they were lighter than he’d been expecting. That only meant one thing.

“Cardia?” Victor greeted, turning to face her. His task was forgotten.

“I brought your dinner for you. I hope it’s not too cold,” she said. The metal tray she carried rattled in her hand as she set it down on Victor’s desk.

“It’s perfect. Thank you,” Victor said, standing up and smoothing his lab coat down.

There was a moment when their eyes met, but it was fleeting and Victor quickly busied himself with examining his food. With no detectable steam rising, his meal was undoubtedly cool by now, but he didn’t mind. Not when it meant he was able to see Cardia for a few minutes this evening.

She turned to leave, but hesitated, facing him once more. 

“Is anything the matter?” Victor asked, studying her face. She chewed her lip and glanced at him, beautiful teal eyes staring into his of emerald. 

“Um… I was wondering if I can help you?” Cardia asked, gesturing toward Victor’s discarded test tubes. 

Victor followed her line of sight, then looked back at her warmly. “I’m almost done for today. I was just checking them over before returning them to their case, but thank you. I appreciate your offer, Cardia.”

“Oh… I see. Then I’ll leave you in peace so you can enjoy your food,” she said, offering him a smile despite how sombre she sounded. With a curtsy, she made for the door.

Victor hastily stepped forward, reaching out for her. “Wait! Cardia!” 

“Yes?” she answered, her expression of puzzlement before looking at where Victor’s hand sat on her shoulder. The door handle slipped from her fingers.

Victor faltered. He hadn’t thought this through. His only intention had been to stop her leaving on such a dejected note, but he had no plans on how to lift her spirits and his mind wasn’t working. 

Teal. He focused on how beautiful her eyes were, and how pure her very being was. So gentle and caring. Irresistible and stunning. Her lips a soft pink, like the rosy glow on her cheeks. 

Cardia looked away and Victor followed suit, awkwardly scratching his cheek for some form of a distraction.

His inexperience saw him ill-prepared for these kinds of encounters, but his pounding heart was urging him to not lose this moment. 

“Courting!”

He slapped a hand over his mouth, mortified at how his nerves had addled his ability to act respectably towards a lady. 

In an age of masculinity being of high value, he was a failure.

His mind raced, trying to fathom how he could save this situation, but the tension eased the moment Cardia stifled a giggle behind her gloved hand. He joined her, though he wasn’t sure what was humorous in this situation. 

After a few moments, she lowered her hand, wearing a soft smile in his direction that reached her eyes. “I’ve read about courting in fairytales...”

“Oh, have you?” Victor asked, wondering how this situation could become anymore embarrassing. 

She hummed. “Saint-Germain even has some books in his library about courting… It sounds fun.”

Victor nodded. Heart hammering away in his chest. “I’ve read some too when I was younger, but it’s not as easy in real life...”

Cardia’s lips moved, forming a surprised little ‘o’ shape. “Does that mean there’s someone you like, Victor?”

And there was the question he was hoping to avoid. 

How should he answer?

He wasn’t confident like Lupin or carefree like Impey. He wasn’t as refined as Saint-Germain or as strong as Van Helsing. He had no redeemable qualities like them, so how could her heart ever return his feelings?

“There is,” Victor admitted uncomfortably. He didn’t want to risk losing a friend. He’d already lost so much. Losing Cardia would be too great a cost. 

“I understand. I like someone too,” she said after what felt like an eternity. 

They shared another glance, both laughing as they averted their eyes. 

When silence fell, Victor looked at Cardia once more, his attention flitting to her lips, but he reigned himself in before making a costly mistake. 

“I’ll take my leave so you can eat,” Cardia said, breaking the silence. “But, ummm… tomorrow I would like it if you eat dinner with us. The table feels empty when you’re not there and… I missed you.”

“I’ll do my best,” Victor said, opening the door for Cardia and standing aside.

He would never miss dinner again. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all don't mind my daily declaration of how much I love this pairing. They're just so sweet together and I love everything about them <3
> 
> Also please note, I've changed the rating to mature just in case future chapters go down that road...

Victor nudged his glasses up his nose again. The humidity in the basement was always awful when his experiments were underway, but he didn’t want to risk opening the window any wider than it already was and have another pigeon fly in. 

Last time he’d been in his room and the stray bird had caused a flask to topple and burn through Saint-Germain’s carpet in a matter of seconds. Thankfully, that was all the damage he’d caused, and no one was hurt, but Saint-Germain had promptly relocated him to the basement where there wasn’t much for him to ruin bar a discarded broom propped up against a water pipe. The basement even came with an abundance of spiders to keep him company…

Otherwise, this was a decent makeshift laboratory.

Every surface available to him was covered by academic journals, Issac’s documents they’d recovered, his own records and the experiments currently underway. Tweaking formulas, trying different potencies to develop stronger weapons should he be engaged in combat again. 

He couldn’t afford to grow complacent now, not when Twilight could strike any day, but if they did, they wouldn’t know what hit them. 

He had someone to protect, and he wouldn’t let her down.

By the time he emerged out of his lab, it was almost time for dinner. He tried to veer towards the bathroom, but Lupin intercepted him, backing him into a corner.

“Lupin…?”

“It’s time for intervention from one gentleman to another,” Lupin said, blocking Victor's path with his arms folded across his chest.

Victor’s eyes narrowed, examining Lupin out of curiosity. This behaviour was so far from normal that Victor had no idea what conclusion he should draw from it. Still, he was certain that he’d done nothing to warrant Lupin intentionally obstructing his path.

He feigned innocence, just in case.

“An intervention? Why? Did I do something wrong?”

He still couldn’t fathom where this had come from. Why did he of all people require an intervention? He delivered all of Cardia’s lessons, and she was progressing exceptionally. He also researched daily until the early hours of the morning and poured hours of work in developing combat-ready anaesthetics and weaponised flasks. So, where had he gone wrong?

_Zicterium._

He panicked. Swallowing hard.

They’d found out about his involvement in the Vampire War and-

Lupin shifted his weight from one foot to the other. The playful charm that he usually had nowhere in sight.

Victor hung his head. He knew this dream had been too good to last. Someone like him didn’t deserve happiness, much less friends or someone who captured his heart. These past few weeks had been some of the best in his sheltered life. 

If he was lucky, they would let him say goodbye to Cardia, but he wouldn’t hold his breath.

“What are your intentions with Cardia?” Lupin asked, leaning against the wall. Eyes fixated on Victor. 

That wasn’t the question he’d expected. It could be interpreted in multiple different ways. Perhaps Lupin suspected him as a traitor, still in conspiring with the British government? Or maybe it was simpler than that and Lupin suspected him of harbouring romantic affection towards Cardia? An ill-thought relationship could complicate future missions.

Regardless, he was even more out of his comfort zone.

“My intentions are honourable. I would never do anything untoward to her,” Victor answered honestly. “She’s a dear friend to me.”

Actually, Cardia was far more than that, but Lupin didn’t need to know the details.

Lupin nodded, though it wasn’t convincing.

Victor’s fingers wandered to his stethoscope, fiddling with it under the weight of Lupin’s gaze. Victor had never been subjected to this side of the gentleman thief before, nor had he been this uncertain since the inquiry into his war crimes. Strange how the power Lupin held over him struck more fear in him than Twilight ever has.

There was just too much he risked losing now.

How he wished he could find the words to excuse himself. There were a pile of Issac’s documents that he wanted to study this evening, anyway. 

“Then, as you’re only friends, I suppose you won’t mind if _I_ were to invite Cardia for a stroll tomorrow? She’s long overdue a gentleman’s company and it would be unforgivable to keep a lady waiting,” Lupin stated with an unreadable expression. 

Oh.

Victor couldn’t breathe. 

If Lupin was also interested in Cardia, then he stood no chance. Sure, Lupin was wanted for his questionable pursuits by Leonhardt and intermittently by Sholmes, but unlike Victor, Lupin didn’t have blood on his hands. Beneath the playful exterior, Lupin was a good man and a fine candidate for marriage. Cardia would be treated like a princess…

Victor hoped his composure didn’t falter, but it took all the strength he could muster to keep him from bolting anywhere but here. 

The thought of Lupin and Cardia becoming a couple was agonising.

“No. Not at all,” Victor rasped, coughing to clear his throat.

Lupin grinned, making no attempt to move. “You’re sure? You know what this will mean, right?”

_This is the last thing I could ever want…_

“Yes. I understand. You should invite her to accompany you, Lupin.”

_... But this is the best outcome for Cardia._

~

Victor twisted in his bed. Knuckles white as he clawed and grasped his bedsheets. A choked cry escaped his lips. 

_Zicterium._

It was the only word he had to think of to remind himself why he deserved pain and nothing but.

He could never forget what happened, nor could he ever forgive himself. 

Happiness was not afforded someone like him. A fact that he reminds himself frequently.

The life he was living now within Saint-Germain’s manor was only temporary while their goals aligned. Before long he would once more find himself running from the past. 

He didn’t sleep well that night, plagued with nightmares from Zicterium’s aftermath. Still, lifeless corpses, who all weighed on his shoulders. The burden of that knowledge crushing.

As the night faded into day, his thoughts turned to Cardia. 

How would he maintain a friendship with both Cardia and Lupin after they begin openly courting? The dynamic in the group will shift and it was ungentlemanly to lust after another’s betrothed.

At breakfast, no one missed how sleep-deprived Victor looked, but they dropped the topic after he explained how engrossed he’d been studying Issac’s journals. A plausible lie, he hoped. 

Only after breakfast, one person followed him, joining him in the garden.

“Um, Victor?”

“Cardia?” he answered, freezing mid-step. He’d wanted to escape the confines of the manor, to rid himself of the thoughts that refused to silence in his mind, but one glance into her beautiful teal eyes revealed how laced with concern they were and he was powerless to move. “Is everything all right?”

“I was about to ask you the same question. You barely spoke at breakfast and…” Cardia bit her lip, focusing on the flowerbed beside them. “... I’m worried about you.”

Victor smiled, though it was bittersweet. The gods were cruel. “There’s no need to worry about me. Besides, you should be preparing for your walk with Lupin, shouldn’t you?”

She shook her head. “Lupin rescheduled my lesson today.”

“Lesson?” Victor questioned before he’d caught himself. After the way Lupin had approached the situation yesterday, Victor had been convinced the walk was of a more official manner. 

“Yes… He’s still teaching me the art of successful escapes. I would join him today to experience how he works in a real scenario, but it turns out the job is a little more complicated than he’d first expected so he asked me to stay behind,” Cardia answered, looking up at Victor. “So, that means my morning is free if you would like some company?”

“There’s nothing I’d like more,” Victor responded honestly. 

Perhaps he should show a little refrain, but the relief he felt was difficult not to relish in, even temporarily.

He let Cardia guide them. At first, they seemed to wander randomly, meandering through the flowers in Saint-Germain’s garden, but after a while, Cardia led them in the direction of the clearing where they practised alchemy. It was a familiar spot to them both now, offering privacy, and it gave the illusion of being far from society.

In a way, it felt like _their_ place now.

Only today, once they were near to where they would usually sit, Cardia stunned him with a jab in his side and she darted off in the opposite direction, disappearing into the woods.

“Catch me if you can!”

Victor nursed his ribs as he broke out into a run, mindful of all the debris on the ground and tree roots sticking up. 

As the forest grew in density, he could hear Cardia better than he could see her. Her laughing guided him through the forest, deeper than he’d ventured before, but as his breathing turned to pants and he broke out into a light sweat, his glasses begun to fog up near his nose, gradually reducing his vision. Now Cardia’s laughing had stopped, he was relying on flashes of her clothes weaving between the trees and ducking under low-hanging branches before she disappeared out of sight completely. 

Victor came to a gradual stop, doubling over to catch his breath. How did everyone else have such high stamina?! Was he really that unfit?

He’d lost her trail a long time ago, and under a canopy of low-hanging trees which blocked out the majority of the sun rays, he had little clue how to find Cardia or navigate his way back to the manor either. 

He wasn’t sure how long it took for the burning sensation in his lungs to easy, but it was long enough for nothing except the sound of crickets chirping to surround him. With no footsteps or trees rustling to be heard, Victor stood up straight, scanning the area as best he could through his lightly fogged glasses. 

“Cardia…?”

Silence.

Victor ran a hand through his hair, heart still racing from adrenaline. His mind briefly leapt to the involvement of Twilight, but logic dictated they wouldn’t be here. 

“Cardia!”

Nothing.

How could he lose her? How could he lose the most precious girl in the world so easily?

“Cardia, where are you?” he whispered, voice shaky. If something had happened to her, he’d never be able to forgive himself, let alone face everyone else. 

He wiped his brow with his sleeve, turning once more-

In an instant, he felt a thud to the centre of his back and was forced to the ground. The perpetrator climbed onto him, straddling him from behind, with his arms firmly pinned against his back. His face pressed into the bed of wildflowers and his glasses askew on the bridge of his nose. Victor thrashed to get his arms free from the weight pressing down on him, but when Cardia laughed, he stilled, glancing over his shoulder in time with her leaning forward to see him better. 

Her hair brushed along his cheek, leaving a ticklish sensation in its wake.

“I win,” she beamed, letting his arms free from behind his back, though her gloved palms came to rest on his shoulder blades, keeping him pressed flat against the ground on his stomach. 

“You do,” Victor uttered, breathless for an entirely different reason. His mind wandered to ungentlemanly places as his body reacted to her in this position. It was a small mercy that she was none the wiser, but it didn’t ease the embarrassment. He shuffled as much as Cardia would allow him, doing his best to find some semblance of comfort.

“You’re, uh, learning well,” Victor swallowed. _A little too well._

“Thank you. Though I didn’t think you would let your guard down this easily. I thought Lupin was lying when he said you’d be an easy target for me to practice my lessons on,” she teased, slipping off from on top of him, and kneeling beside him. “I’m sorry you were a part of today’s class.”

Victor sighed. So that’s what was up. Lupin had set this whole ordeal up because he had somehow caught on to Victor’s feelings for Cardia and knew that would make him weak target practice. Not only was that humiliating, but it was cruel for Lupin to involve Cardia in his trickery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love wingman Lupin XD


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for joining me on this journey <3

The atmosphere had been different for the past few days, in that it came to light that Lupin wasn’t the only one who knew about Victor’s feelings towards Cardia. In fact, everyone knew except for Cardia. And no one saw reason to spare him embarrassment. 

Every chance encounter he shared with Cardia earned him looks from the others which were all too clearly saying ‘what are you waiting for?’

He wasn’t sure what was worse, feeling inadequate compared to the others in terms of dating potential or feeling inadequate because unlike the others - of those who have an interest in such matters - he had no idea how to progress such things. 

Courting was complicated. 

Actually, it was getting to the stage of courting that was difficult. 

On the fourth day, Victor ventured into the heart of London with a heavy sack slung over his shoulder. He’d spent days preparing its contents in secret and now he was ready to put his plan into action. He just needed to walk another few miles, but his body wasn’t designed for this. Alchemists were men of science and theory. He’d never dedicated a day in his life to stamina endurance or weight lifting.

His destination was down a little cobbled street with a broken oil lamp outside its entrance. It was a small and unassuming building that looked a far cry from pristine shops on the main street. When he entered, a bell rang above the door. 

Inside was a little dusty and dim, with rolls of cloth lining the walls with barely an inch to spare for anything else. Sat in the centre of it all was an elderly lady with thin grey hair and unbalanced glasses. Her wrinkled features narrowed into a frown as she looked up from her sewing machine, letting the machine come to a halt. 

Suddenly, the room sounded exceedingly quiet. 

“Remind me who you are again, dear,” the lady said, setting her glasses aside. She waved him closer.

“Arsène Lupin, ma’am,” Victor lied, noting the look of recognition that sparked in the seamstresses eye and he felt even more guilty for deceiving her. He distracted himself with setting the sack he’d carried all the way here down near the bay window. The relief on his back was short-lived once he realised how much his body ached. 

“Ah, yes. I recall who you are now, Monsieur Lupin. You’re the gentleman looking for a ballgown for your wife, correct?” she smiled, eyeing the sack that Victor had stepped away from.

Victor nodded. “That’s right. My w-wife is looking forward to your design, ma’am. You’ll find all the cloth and thread you’ll need in there. It’s imperative nothing else is used… She is very specific with her requirements.”

The lady nodded, though she didn’t look satisfied as she returned her lopsided glasses to the bridge of her nose. “And you’re sure she cannot visit? The outcome will be better if I can see her myself. Every woman is unique, and I wouldn’t want to present the apple of your eye with anything less than perfect.”

“It won’t be necessary for you to meet my w-wife. She rarely ventures into London. Besides, I have unwavering faith in your skills as a seamstress,” Victor insisted, slipping his hand into his pocket and retrieving a small piece of parchment that he passed to her. “These are her measurements.”

“Very well. I shall trust your judgement, Monsieur Lupin. If you intend for the design to be a surprise for your lady, then the greatest surprise I shall deliver,” she said, glancing over the parchment before peering at Victor over the top of her glasses. “Come month-end, there will be no finer dressed lady in all of England. The most beautiful of all petals… Rest assured, I’ll start this evening.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Victor bowed, taking his leave from the seamstress's shop. 

He knew not how Cardia would appreciate the gift, but his heart raced at the thought of her dressed in such attire. She was stunning by definition, but there was no doubt in his mind how ethereal she would look in the finest gown, beyond beauty anyone else had ever achieved. 

When he returned home at sunset, he found Cardia and Delacroix playing with Sisi in the garden. She looked so at ease, smiling freely and laughing so beautifully it touched Victor’s heart. Orange hues highlighted her hair as it swayed with every movement she made.

If he were an artist, he would paint this moment.

“You all look like you’re having fun,” Victor said, as he approached watching with a smile as Cardia danced with Sisi. 

“Victor!“ Cardia beaming, dancing circles around Sisi. “I’m having so much fun-”

“There’s nothing fun about babysitting,” Delacroix huffed, sticking his nose in the air and turning his back to everyone else. 

“I’m sorry, Delly,” Cardia giggled, twirling around and encouraging Sisi to copy her. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I’m babysitting you-”

“ _I’m_ the one babysitting _you_ , idiot,” Delacroix groaned, looking like he was fighting off a smile when Sisi ran over to him bounced around in a circle.

“If you say so,” Cardia smiled. Her attention turned to Victor as she came to a stop. Cardia’s hair settled to frame her face, and Victor couldn’t help but admire her. “I missed you today.”

“Ugh. Don’t do that! It’s bad enough looking after you all afternoon. Don’t make me have to watch yucky mushy mortal stuff,” Delacroix moaned, grimacing in their direction. 

“Or you can take your leave now I’m here to look after her in your stead?” Victor suggested in a moment of boldness.

Delacroix pulled a face of disgust, looking at them both before patting his leg and turning towards the house. “Come on, Sisi. Let’s get out of here. You don’t need to see all that gross stuff…”

They watched in silence for a few moments as Delacroix and Sisi headed inside before turning their attention to each other. 

“He’s really starting to open up to everyone… It’s nice,” Cardia smiled. She held her hands clutched behind her back as she looked up at Victor. “Also, it’s a little late, but welcome home, Victor.”

The response that he’d been going to say caught in his throat. 

Why did Cardia greeting him like that bring out the awkward and foolish side of him? And why did it sound so nice having her say _home_? It was such a simple word, but out of her lips, it carried so much value to him.

“It’s a bit late, but I missed you too, Cardia,” Victor said, bashfully looking away. “So, uh, it’s good to be home…” 

~

The next morning Victor ventured down into his laboratory, startling at the sight of Cardia hunched over his makeshift desk, frowning at a document. His throat felt tight. There was all manner of documents down here he didn’t want her happening upon, for her own sake. Too much could irrevocably destroy her. 

He knew it wasn’t his call to make, but he chose to let Cardia live in blissful ignorance. 

“Were you looking for something in particular?” Victor asked as cheery as possible. He took it as a good sign that she only looked confused and not repulsed. It meant whatever she was reading wasn’t one of the less ethically concerned articles. 

Cardia sighed, looking up at Victor. “I know I shouldn’t be looking through your things, but I couldn’t help noticing the strange words on this page. It doesn’t make any sense to me… Is it code?”

“Let me take a look,” Victor offered, walking over to where she sat and looking over her shoulder. “Oh!. These are my notes… I’m not surprised you can’t understand them, they’re written in Romansh.” 

“Romansh?” 

Victor nodded. 

“I’m Swiss by birth. I only came to England when I was a teenager to study alchemy, and given Romansh speakers are a small fraction of Switzerland’s population now most people speak German, I write my notes in Romansh for an element of protection over my work. It also stops nosy friends from finding out what I’m up to,” Victor teased, as Cardia’s cheeks grew rosy pink. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, looking down at her feet. 

“Hey, don’t be… Curiosity is the heart of knowledge, and you’ll never know if you don’t ask questions. So, by all means, keep learning,” Victor encouraged, smiling in her direction. His breath caught in his throat when she smiled sweetly up at him.

“Then what will you teach me today, Master?” 

“M-master?” Victor stuttered. This time it was his turn to blush. He was a long way from being addressed as a master, but even so, Cardia calling him such title made his mind wander down ungentlemanly avenues. 

Cardia hummed. Proudly nodding. “Lupin said you’re a master of alchemy so while I’m studying under you, I should address you as Master.”

Victor sighed. Yet again Lupin was testing his patience and mocking him for his feelings towards Cardia.

“There’s no need to call me that. Victor is just fine,” he said, scratching his cheek. This situation was growing ridiculous, no thanks to Lupin. “Anyway, I presume there was a reason you wandered down here. Is there something I can help you with?”

“Oh, I was looking for a pestle and mortar. I’m trying my hand at making a healing salve today,” Cardia explained, glancing around the room. It was obvious the moment she recognised it across the basement because she giggled and looked at Victor with her lip between her teeth. “I, uh, got distracted before I could look...”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re always welcome,” Victor said, retrieving the pestle and mortar for her and placing it in front of her. He was impressed by how seriously she was taking her studies. “Do you have all the ingredients you need?”

“I’ve gathered most of the ingredients. I think all I need now is beeswax and a sprig of lavender,” Cardia said, picking up the pestle and mortar. “Do you have any to spare?”

“I do. If you go into my room and over to my apothecary table, in the leftmost drawer you’ll find dried lavender. As for beeswax, it’s in a tall glass jar in the larder. You might need to ask Impey to get it down off the shelf for you though,” Victor said.

“Why is the beeswax in the larder? We don’t… eat it, do we?” Cardia asked, looking suddenly disgusted.

Victor shook his head, and a light chuckle escaped his lips. Cardia was adorable sometimes.

“We don’t eat it, so don’t worry. While beeswax is a reliable emulsifier, in food we use egg yolk instead. Beeswax has its uses for food preservation though. If cotton is coated in beeswax, then it can wrap food and keep it consumable for longer than if it was left out in the open,” Victor explained, ever happy to further Cardia’s knowledge. 

There was something satisfying about imparting his knowledge on her.

She looked at him in surprise as the corners of her lips slowly curled into a breathtaking smile. “You know so much, Victor… Every day I’m more and more in awe of you!”

Oh, boy… His heart couldn’t take this.

“Y-yeah… well, you’re n-not the only one,” Victor said bashfully, daring a glance at her. “You’re remarkable… in so many ways, Cardia.”

She shook her head. “You should save words like those for people who deserve them.”

“Like you.”

“Not me… People like you, Victor,” Cardia said, looking at him with a guarded expression. Her aura had changed from the sweet, welcoming one she’d had previously to one of seriousness. It was strange seeing her like this. “ _You’re_ the type of person who should be spoken about like that. Everything you do is remarkable.”

Victor’s heart ached.

“No. It’s really not… I’m not a good person, Cardia. In fact, I’m one of the worst people you’ll ever meet.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is… That’s the truth of my past, no matter how hard that is to grasp,” Victor said, with his head hung. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Cardia. He carried too much shame to look at her purity. “There’s no one in this manor with more of a guilty conscience than me.”

“... That’s just your opinion. We’re always more critical of ourselves than we are of anyone else. But our opinions are subjective… you taught me that. Science should always be objective, and human survival is a product of science, right? Everything my father did was for humanities advancement, just like you. So, I don’t believe there’s anything you could have done that goes against that. Your alchemy is a gift to this world,” Cardia paused, but it was only long enough to place down the pestle and mortar that she held and take Victor’s hands into her own. She looked him straight in the eye, “You’re a good person, Victor. I truly believe that.”

Victor was speechless. His mind blank. He tried to open his mouth to refute her statement, to tell her to run and never grow close to him, but he selfishly couldn’t. 

Under the weight of her gaze, he crumbled. 

For two years he’d not allowed himself to cry. He didn’t deserve to let this pain out. He lived by the premise that he had to carry this pain inside for life; a reminder of his crimes. But in this moment, all the pain rose to the surface anew and tears cascaded down his cheeks. All he could focus on was the gentle hue of teal before him; Cardia’s eyes were the prettiest colour he’d ever seen.

“I-I’m sorry,” Victor choked. 

Before he knew what was happening, Cardia let go of his hands and guided his forehead to rest on her shoulder. Her arms wrapped around his back as though protecting him from all the pain in the world.

“You don’t need to be sorry, Victor. And you need not go through whatever you’re shouldering alone… Let me help you like you help me,” she whispered, soothingly rubbing his back.

Victor’s shoulders shook as he clung to her waist. No one had ever shown him this level of kindness.

“I’ll try,” he whispered, knowing full well he could never involve her. 

He loved her too much to subject her to the weight he carried.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am taking quite a few creative liberties with this chapter and I've only played guardian of rebirth so I don't know if there is ever any more backstory to Victor, but I couldn't resist a little exploration XD

His bedroom door creaked open. There’d been no knock or sign that his privacy was about to be encroached, but soon that would no longer be an issue. 

Victor propped his head up from where he lay in his bed. He hadn’t expected such an early morning intrusion or he would have dressed quicker. Though the sight of his mother cradling an envelope against her chest raised his suspicions. 

“Mueti...?” 

It was a gift, she explained. A means to make his dream a reality. All the years of saving and hardship that she had endured for the hopes to one day see him start a life in Zürich and had been traded away for a one-way ferry ticket to England and a little money to see him through. 

A commercial airship from Zürich or Bern would have saved him weeks off his emigration, but that was a privilege most Switzerland’s working class couldn’t yet afford. So, alone, he would have to make his own way across the border into France and to the far north to cross the channel to England with only a single suitcase containing his most treasured belongings and a letter of recommendation to begin his alchemy studies.

It hadn’t been easy convincing his mother to let him leave in pursuit of becoming an alchemist, not when she always found an argument for him to go to Zürich, convinced someone academically focused, driven and passionate could become anything. However, those things were applicable when his topic was alchemy oriented. Otherwise, he lacked enthusiasm for such academic pursuits.

Knowing his family had always dwelled on the edge of poverty and the sacrifices that had been made for his education, only furthered his guilt of chasing a distant dream that might never happen. 

Victor thanked his mother, guarding the ferry ticket as though his life depended on it. 

Soon, he would make the impossible possible. 

Victor startled awake, scrambling for his glasses on the nightstand, and knocking them off in the process. He hadn’t dreamt about that day in months.

All the anticipation and optimism he’d felt replaced by guilt. He hadn’t seen his mother since he departed for England, and after he’d become a fugitive, his correspondence had reduced to a single letter explaining his innocence and why he would cease any further contact to protect her. 

While he doubted anything would happen to his family in Switzerland, the British Empire held significant power all across the world, and it wasn’t unheard of for fugitive’s families to be taken hostage.

It had been two years already. 

Maybe it was time to write another letter, so she knew he was still alive?

_“You’re a good person, Victor. I truly believe that.”_

Cardia’s words echoed in his mind. Each time the guilt crushed him a little more. But it made him wonder, would his mother think the same? 

Did he even deserve her forgiveness after all this time?

He was an awful human. The absolute worst…

His family were probably better off without him.

~

“Knock, knock,” Cardia laughed from the bottom step to the basement. “Is it okay if I enter the laboratory, Master Victor?”

“ _Victor_. Just Victor… But yes, you may enter the laboratory,” he replied, smiling across at her as she bounced down the last step and into the laboratory. “What brings you down here?”

“Do I need a reason beyond wishing to see you?” she asked, coming to stand beside him and peer down at what he was doing. 

_For the sake of my heart, yes. Yes, you do._

“Of course not. You’re always welcome,” Victor said, slicing through the lump of gallium that was the focus of today’s experiment. He could feel Cardia’s arm against his side and it was enough of a distraction to make his hand shake. Being observed this closely was always nerve inducing. 

“What are you doing...?” Cardia asked, tilting her head to the side.

“Oh, I suppose I haven’t explained... This metal is gallium and its properties are quite special,” Victor explained, using his scalpel to demonstrate how easy it was to slice. “As you can see, at room temperature gallium is malleable, but once it reaches twenty-nine point seven six degrees celsius, it becomes a liquid. Also, compared to similar metals, it’s non-toxic.”

“That’s amazing… I thought metal was always hard,” Cardia said, leaning in a little closer.

“Not everything is hard,” he blushed as his mind jumped to a different matter entirely. “Erm… many things that are known for being hard- _solid_ , actually become soft easily with the right treatment.”

_If there is a God, please let this conversation be over._

Cardia hummed. “Can I feel how soft it is?” 

“W-what?!” Victor panicked, calming himself when he realised how innocent her intentions were. “Oh… Well, it is safe for humans to touch, but it’ll leave a stain behind and it might ruin your gloves…”

He hung his head. Nothing he said sounded how he meant it to. 

“A-anyway, I’m glad you’re here because I was thinking… would you, like to… accompany me tomorrow, o-on a walk? Just us?” Victor asked, turning to examine the unchanging gallium with far more attention than it needed. 

He was such a coward.

“As in, courting…? L-like in novels?!” Cardia stammered, wearing the brightest rosy blush Victor had ever been blessed to see on her cheeks. 

Victor set his scalpel down, knowing he was likely to do himself some harm when his heart was pounding this erratically. “I-if you would like…?”

The seconds that passed before Cardia hummed were some of the longest in Victor’s life.

“I would like that,” she said, looking him in the eye. Her beautiful smile lit up her eyes. “I would really like that.”

“Then tomorrow… shall we venture into the city together?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also gallium has just been introduced twenty-two years before it's discovery... Victor's just that much of a genius >.>


	5. Chapter 5

Truth be told, Victor didn’t own much in the way of attire besides his laboratory clothes. He had little need when he seldom ventured anywhere he couldn’t dress in his lab coat, and having been a fugitive for the past two years only reduced that need further. Then again, living in a lab coat and trying to distance himself from being seen as an alchemist didn’t help him maintain cover, but even knowing as such didn’t stop it being difficult to remove something which reflected his identity. 

So, when he awoke early the next morning, donning his only arguably smart linen shirt complete with a necktie tied into a fashionable bow, his reflection looked like a stranger with his face. His determination to look like a true gentleman worthy of Cardia’s courtship won over, though. This was their first official outing as a courting couple, and he wanted to make the occasion special. Still, he couldn’t resist reaching for his stethoscope and resting it around his shoulders for some semblance of normality. He was far from what was expected of a man in his position, but it would have to do.

At breakfast, the others amused expressions were enough to make him want to leave before he’d even taken a step into the dining room and never make an attempt at smartening himself up again. It was embarrassing attracting this kind of attention, but when Cardia’s eyes lit up across the room focused on him, he couldn’t move. Her eyes drifted up and down his body before meeting his, and suddenly, nothing else mattered. 

“Good morning,” Cardia greeted, standing up and straightening out her own clothes. Her eyebrows knitted together as she focused on the space between them. “I feel as though I’m underdressed for the occasion.”

“No, not at all,” Victor rushed out, walking to her side and mustering all the courage he had in him to take her hand into his own. “You look beautiful, Cardia. You always do…” Before he could say anything else the moment was stolen by Impey whining in the corner. 

“So this means they’re official now?! I thought for sure Cardia was in love with me…”

Victor shared a knowing look with Cardia and they both broke out into quiet nervous laughter. Both equally rosy-cheeked.

What surprised him the most was the expression Lupin wore in their direction. When everyone else had something to say or tease them, Lupin simply looked happy for them, as though he’d wanted this outcome for a long time-

So that was why Lupin had arranged all the embarrassing moments with Cardia recently! This whole time, he’d been at the mercy of Lupin’s plan…   
  
Victor nodded acknowledgement in Lupin’s direction, and his friend returned the gesture. As frustrating as it was having not realised sooner, Victor was grateful. He most likely owed a lot of his current happiness to Lupin’s involvement.

Unfortunately, under the weight of overwhelming nerves, and jokes free-flowing at his expense, Victor could only manage a few morsels of his breakfast, though the glimpses he stole of Cardia across the table told him she was having similar difficulties. 

After breakfast Victor waited in the courtyard for Cardia, not wishing to rush a lady, but he didn’t wish to be surrounded by the others as he second-guessed himself, wondering if someone of his standing courting Cardia was really alright. He had so little to offer her. His finances left much to be desired, his future was uncertain, and he hadn’t a home to call his own. He was hardly worthy of the title of her husband if he was lucky enough for their outing to lead in the direction of such pastures in the future.

However, all those concerns faded into nothing under the spell of a single glance. 

Cardia stood a few paces in front of him, nervously clutching her hands together and her cheeks pink like cherry blossoms. She was breathtaking. 

“C-Cardia,” Victor swallowed, loosening his necktie. He regretted wearing something so restrictive when the heat coursing through him felt beyond even that of the sun’s rays upon his skin. “You’re stunning, Cardia.”

“But I’m no different from usual,” she uttered, averting her eyes. Her gloved hands toying with the fabric of her shirt.

Victor closed the space between them, leaning his forehead against her hair. “That’s subjectively your opinion, Cardia. There’s a phrase that describes how I feel so accurately and that’s; beauty is in the eye of the beholder… You’ll never be able to see yourself as I do, but if you stay by my side, I’ll do my best to show you…”

He heard a tiny gasped, shortly followed by a hum as she lifted her face to meet his. Victor could feel her breath against his kins and it was a reminder that they were too close for somewhere this open. Even so, he made no effort to move away. 

“This feeling inside me… My heart is fluttering, Victor. Can alchemy explain it?”

Victor shook his head. “Alchemy can provide answers to many things, but even I won’t pretend to understand a human heart,” Victor whispered, watching the way her tresses swayed in the breeze and her eyes shone at his words. 

How was he to make it through today when the urge to say many a thing he’d never vocalised before was so apparent? On the tip of his tongue were compliments and observations, endless words of affection he wished to express, but he didn’t want to rush what was blossoming between them and risk making Cardia uncomfortable.

Victor held his arm out for Cardia to take, and when she did, his everything changed. She was his centre of gravity. 

She was his universe. 

“S-shall we walk?” he stuttered.

Cardia nodded, curling her fingers with more certainty around Victor’s arm. “Lead the way, Victor. I’ll be right beside you.”

His heart wasn’t going to make it through the day…

The time to venture into London was longer than usual, but Victor didn’t mind. He listened as Cardia spoke enthusiastically about her studies and of how well she was progressing in her lessons. He even learnt that with Lupin’s tutelage, she’d managed to pickpocket two shillings from Impey thanks to his near stupor when she let their hands near touch passing him a spanner a few days prior.

He couldn’t deny he was a little jealous. 

“Saint-Germain showed me a new place the other day too. Have you heard of Covent Gardens?” she asked, as they strolled down a cobblestone street, lined with linen sheets hanging between the houses which they had to duck and swerve past. 

Victor shot her a look of concern. He knew of Covent Gardens. He’d even laid low there in the past when he needed somewhere to disappear into the crowd, but the idea of Cardia visiting somewhere cramped with peddlers who commonly were less than desirable, not to mention donkeys and the mess they left on the street. It was unsanitary, to say the least. 

“... What did you think about it?” he asked hoping she would remain in the more desirable areas of London in the future.

“I liked it! It was full of all types of people, and Saint-Germain taught me about haggling. We even found potatoes nearly half their usual price because of the vendor's competition that day… It was exciting!” she beamed up at him. “Maybe we should go one day. We can buy food together.”

 _Together_.

That word sounded beautiful out of her mouth.

Her purity shone through beautifully. He almost wished he could see the world through her eyes, accepting something for how it was rather than critically evaluating it and finding a solution no one asked for.

“Yes, maybe one day we can,” Victor found himself saying, eager to spend more time with her no matter how. “Perhaps another time we could take a horse and carriage to Kew Gardens… have you heard of it?”

She shook her head, waiting for an explanation Victor was all too willing to give.

“It’s a botanical garden, which means its creation thirteen years ago was with the intent of scientific study, whilst being open to the public. With careful curation, it houses plants and fungal specimens not found easily in the wild or even naturally in England. I’ve even been allowed clippings a handful of times for study purposes,” Victor said, as they turned the corner, leaving the residential district and entering a street scattered with shops. 

“That sounds wonderful! I’d love to accompany you, Victor,” Cardia said, carefully leaning her head on his shoulder as they walked. “The things you’ve done and achieved… I’m so far behind you all.”

“You shouldn’t compare yourself, but if you must, then know your accomplishments outshine everyone by comparison to me.”

Cardia offered a half-hearted laugh. “You say funny things sometimes, Victor.”

“I’m being sincere… I’m not one for flattery when it’s undeserved,” Victor said, bringing their pace to a halt. When Cardia looked up at him in question, he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and smiled at her. “There’s not a thing about you that I do not admire. To me, you are this world’s greatest treasure. Every day you find ways to amaze me and even though we’ve only known one another for a few short weeks, you’ve captured my heart… I can think of no better student.”

She dipped her head, hands covering her face. “Victor…” 

“You’re so cute, Cardia,” Victor laughed, resting a hand on the top of her head, ruffling her hair a little. 

Cardia peeked up at him through her fringe, chewing her lip. “I read calling someone cute is a term of endearment… You’ve called me that a few times now…”

“H-have I?” Victor flushed, dropping his hand to his side. He had an awful habit of words tumbling from his mouth when Cardia was nearby. 

She hummed with a bright smile.

“Oh, well… w-when a man and a woman court, words like those are natural and you’re well deserving of them, so, I, erm, I hope it’s okay if I keep saying them to you?” he asked, nervously fiddling with the stethoscope around his neck. 

“Only if you let me tell you how handsome you are?” Cardia asked, resting her hands over his, stilling his fingers. 

Victor’s breath caught in his throat. His mind blank. “I am?”

“You are,” she smiled sweetly, linking her arm through Victor’s and leading them along the street.

He held her arm, mind racing as they walked. Handsome was never a word he described himself as, not compared to the likes of Lupin or Saint-Germain, anyway. He was average by his own definition, but then, hadn’t he only just today told Cardia that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? So by his own admission, he would never see himself as Cardia saw him.

“Do you have any idea how much that means to me?”

“I think I do…” she answered, glancing up at him before casting her gaze in the direction they were walking. “I imagine it's similar to how I feel when you called me beautiful… I didn’t compliment you too soon did I?”

“No. Not at all,” Victor rushed out, not wishing Cardia to worry about such things. While he governed himself with society's rules, he would never force them on her. “I-It’s just, no one has ever thought of me that way and it’s a little difficult to understand… but I’m glad you think that way about me.”

She looked at him in surprise. “No one…?”

Victor shook his head. He took it as a compliment that she found this unbelievable. 

He knew very few women in England, and even then, Cardia was the only one he’d ever felt drawn to beyond that of respect for a fellow academic. 

“Well, I have for a while,” she said matter-of-factly.

“R-really?” Victor asked as a new wave of embarrassment washed over him.

“Since the day of my first alchemy lesson with you, but I didn’t realise what the fluttery feeling was until Lupin explained it to me…” Cardia admitted. Her gaze lowering to his necktie then at his face once more. “You were so knowledgeable and I was in awe of you… Every day I woke up hoping I would have a lesson with you.”

Victor adjusted his glasses for a distraction as they continued their stroll through London. 

He couldn’t understand how Cardia had taken an interest in him back then, with him being none the wiser. Of course, he didn’t have experience in these matters, but he liked to think he wasn’t oblivious to important things like romance.

“It was a little different for me… The first time we met and I took your hand without much thought… The truth is, I’d never seen a girl so beautiful and I… I wanted to know more about you,” Victor admitted, knowing he must be the brightest shade of crimson. “I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment for days… I still do.”

“You saved me.”

“You saved me as well,” Victor responded, catching a look of puzzlement on Cardia’s face. “I’ve told you before what I think about myself… I accepted that was who I am, but meeting you, I want to become a better person.”

“But you already are a wonderful person, Victor. You make me so happy,” Cardia said, holding Victor’s arm a little tighter. “I trust you because I know you are a good person.”

_You wouldn’t say that if you knew the full extent of my crimes._

Victor hung his head as guilt set in. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you…” 

Eventually, they wandered onto Oxford Street, passing by cobblers and drapers, even a new shop promising to one day become its own empire, though no one knew who this John Lewis person was.

“Victor, look!”

Victor followed where Cardia pointed, seeing a mud-covered kitten cowering in a cardboard box at the side of the street. The poor thing looked too young to be separated from its mother. Being a stray it could have any number of things wrong with it from flees to rabies. 

“Do you think we can help?” Cardia asked, pulling Victor closer, though she stopped when a woman came out of a nearby shop with a saucer of milk, setting it down in front of the kitten.

The kitten was hesitant, but once the woman disappeared inside, it approached the milk, lapping it up. 

“He’ll be okay. He’s being cared for… someday he’ll be old enough to find his own food,” Victor said, trying to offer Cardia some reassurance. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel sympathetic for the kitten, he just recognised the problems of introducing one to a household where a dog already lived.

“He’s really cute,” she cooed in its direction, wearing a sweet smile. “Would you like a pet of your own one day?”

Victor shook his head. He’d seen too many rats mishandled in the name of science, and it was something he would never get over. “I like animals having their freedom… Have you ever heard of brown bears?”

“I’ve read about them... They’re big and scary?” Cardia asked, uncertain. 

Victor couldn’t help but laugh as they fell into a gentle pace once more. “They are, but they’re amazing to see in person… In Switzerland, they can be seen in the forests… I saw a few when my father was trying to teach me how to hunt prey. I could never take a life and sometimes our table was bare, but at least I had no regrets on my conscience.

“But I still remember the first one I saw… I was low in the grass, maybe only eight or nine years old, but I watched the bear weave through trees in the forest. He looked so strong, and I couldn’t look away. I wondered what his fur would feel like to touch or how small I would be beside him. From that day, I always looked forward to seeing bears, but fewer live in the wild year on year… Humans really are the worst animals of them all.”

“... I didn’t realise humans were animals.”

“And you would be forgiven for thinking as such,” Victor smiled at her. “We’re territorial animals, capable of complex thoughts and processes… As a species we’ve established hierarchies, built machines, solved some of the greatest questions out there. It’s impressive really, though there are some creations we would have been better off without.”

 _Zicterium_.

He’d never forget. It was his biggest regret, and possibly the worst discovery made in the expansive history of alchemy.

“Victor…?”

He shook his head, returning to the present. “Yes?”

“I, erm… I asked if I can ask you a question?”

He didn’t like where this was going.

“Of course,” he responded, focusing his attention on Cardia. She looked nervous, staring at the ground rather than at him.

“Why do you sound sad, so often?”

Oh.

How should he answer that? The answer was simple; because he deserves to feel nothing but sadness. Somehow, though, he knew that answer wouldn’t be met with agreement. 

“It’s complicated… a lot happened in my past,” Victor said. Body tense as his pace slowed. He didn’t want this conversation to happen, although Cardia deserved to know the truth. He lowered his voice. “Sometimes, alchemists aren’t proud of the things they discover…”

“But isn’t that always the case with trial and error… you taught me that we don’t always achieve what we set out to discover, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing… just something to learn from,” Cardia said, oblivious to the weight her words carried.

Victor’s pulse raced. Any reminder of Zicterium made him anxious, but this was different. Cardia was reassuring him that what he did was just the unpredictable course of science. It was par for the course that hypotheses would be proven and disproven, and things would be discovered along the way they were never intended… It was the thrill of science. It was what he loved.

He’d spent two years running, but maybe it was time he admitted how tired he was. His penance would always be the weight he carried in his heart, but maybe it could be lifted off his shoulders. 

It wasn’t his fault his discovery was misused.

“Cardia... Do you truly believe that?”

“Undoubtedly.”


End file.
